1
00:00:29,130 --> 00:00:31,240
Not a bad day, Bob. What's the final
score?

2
00:00:32,950 --> 00:00:38,409
One pickpocket, one shoplifter, one
drunk in charge of a lawnmower and

3
00:00:38,410 --> 00:00:39,460
lab.

4
00:00:40,290 --> 00:00:41,890
Exhibit A for the forensic lab.

5
00:00:44,550 --> 00:00:50,649
Not a bad

6
00:00:50,650 --> 00:00:52,170
day at all.

7
00:00:52,730 --> 00:00:56,409
You know, in spite of my initial
opposition... I'm warm into this

8
00:00:56,410 --> 00:00:57,550
-related pay business.

9
00:00:57,730 --> 00:00:58,810
Initial opposition?

10
00:00:58,970 --> 00:01:00,210
You burst into tears.

11
00:01:01,230 --> 00:01:03,580
That was before I realised the
possibilities.

12
00:01:04,870 --> 00:01:09,390
Potential. Just stick. We get one house
point for every arrest we make.

13
00:01:09,790 --> 00:01:12,430
And points mean... Prizes!

14
00:01:12,431 --> 00:01:16,629
Keep this up for the rest of it, because
everyone thinks it mitches your food

15
00:01:16,630 --> 00:01:18,450
up. Hey, you've missed one out.

16
00:01:18,710 --> 00:01:20,050
You can't do that.

17
00:01:20,390 --> 00:01:23,580
Do you want to win this handy blender
-cum -juice -maker or not?

18
00:01:24,030 --> 00:01:25,950
Curb crawling is a serious offence.

19
00:01:26,150 --> 00:01:27,790
It is not curb crawling.

20
00:01:28,070 --> 00:01:29,690
It's an open and shut case.

21
00:01:30,430 --> 00:01:32,510
I'm slowing down to pick up that case.

22
00:01:33,110 --> 00:01:34,850
He was driving up by.

23
00:01:37,470 --> 00:01:39,890
Yeah, well, they all count.

24
00:01:40,830 --> 00:01:46,490
So, that's three to me and one to Uncle
Babblington.

25
00:01:46,690 --> 00:01:47,740
Hang on.

26
00:01:47,850 --> 00:01:48,900
What?

27
00:01:48,990 --> 00:01:50,630
We agreed half and half.

28
00:01:50,631 --> 00:01:52,879
If it hadn't been for me, you wouldn't
have got any.

29
00:01:52,880 --> 00:01:54,179
Who nipped the shoplifter?

30
00:01:54,180 --> 00:01:55,260
Yeah, yeah.

31
00:01:55,720 --> 00:01:59,040
And what about the joyrider? You wanted
to let him go.

32
00:01:59,900 --> 00:02:02,260
Joyrider? He was mowing his lawn.

33
00:02:02,900 --> 00:02:08,079
He was in charge of a motorised vehicle
with excess alcohol in his blood. How do

34
00:02:08,080 --> 00:02:09,099
you know?

35
00:02:09,100 --> 00:02:10,419
His lines were all wiggly.

36
00:02:11,039 --> 00:02:15,779
Oh, and that's a crime now, is it? You
wouldn't be so poncy, bloody liberal if

37
00:02:15,780 --> 00:02:18,310
he'd mown over a crocodile and mixed
infants, eh?

38
00:02:19,200 --> 00:02:20,700
Wasn't a hovermower, you know.

39
00:02:23,440 --> 00:02:25,060
and he hadn't got his grass box on.

40
00:02:25,061 --> 00:02:30,279
You're becoming obsessed, you know that?
I am just carrying out the Home

41
00:02:30,280 --> 00:02:31,660
Secretary's instructions.

42
00:02:31,661 --> 00:02:34,999
You're becoming obsessed with numbers.
You'd do anything to get another notch

43
00:02:35,000 --> 00:02:38,599
this board. There is nothing wrong with
incentives, Bob. Oh, yes, there is. What

44
00:02:38,600 --> 00:02:39,619
about Beckett?

45
00:02:39,620 --> 00:02:43,159
Before this nonsense, he was a perfectly
reasonable, work -shy copper with a

46
00:02:43,160 --> 00:02:44,840
part -time job as a minicab driver.

47
00:02:45,080 --> 00:02:49,119
And now he spends all his time hanging
around public conveniences whistling

48
00:02:49,120 --> 00:02:50,170
Doris Day songs.

49
00:02:51,560 --> 00:02:53,790
So notches on the board don't matter to
you?

50
00:02:53,940 --> 00:02:55,500
No. Good.

51
00:02:56,280 --> 00:02:57,330
That's fine, then.

52
00:02:57,900 --> 00:02:58,950
Speak to me.

53
00:02:59,120 --> 00:03:00,320
One to Uncle Boblington.

54
00:03:00,321 --> 00:03:03,479
You're starting to look ridiculous, do
you know that?

55
00:03:03,480 --> 00:03:05,940
There is nothing ridiculous about it.

56
00:03:06,380 --> 00:03:10,339
D .C. Beckett may be whistling the
soundtrack from Calamity Jane every

57
00:03:10,340 --> 00:03:15,080
evening, but two more arrests and he's
jetting off to Puerto Bernute, mate.

58
00:03:15,380 --> 00:03:17,020
All expenses paid.

59
00:03:17,360 --> 00:03:19,040
Well, what about poor old Warner?

60
00:03:19,200 --> 00:03:21,120
Winners and losers in everything, Bob.

61
00:03:21,300 --> 00:03:22,560
Three months, one arrest.

62
00:03:23,100 --> 00:03:24,740
Warner is in the fine arts squad.

63
00:03:24,741 --> 00:03:29,079
If you don't make arrests in the fine
arts squad, you wouldn't want to damage

64
00:03:29,080 --> 00:03:30,130
their nails.

65
00:03:30,131 --> 00:03:32,359
That's what I mean. It's still up to the
draw.

66
00:03:32,360 --> 00:03:35,079
Warner doesn't want to be in the fine
arts squad. He's asked for a transfer

67
00:03:35,080 --> 00:03:36,130
already.

68
00:03:36,131 --> 00:03:39,159
Isn't that right, sir? What part are we?

69
00:03:39,160 --> 00:03:41,439
Warner wants to leave the fine arts
department.

70
00:03:41,440 --> 00:03:42,490
Yes, he does.

71
00:03:43,340 --> 00:03:44,390
Shame about Warner.

72
00:03:44,740 --> 00:03:46,540
He's a good copper. He's being wasted.

73
00:03:48,000 --> 00:03:50,890
He's got his eye on that wet and dry
vacuum cleaner as well.

74
00:03:53,410 --> 00:03:54,730
Exactly. It's a far.

75
00:03:55,170 --> 00:03:56,220
It's a farrago.

76
00:03:56,790 --> 00:03:57,850
It's a mondayo.

77
00:04:01,250 --> 00:04:03,030
Arc at Vanessa Redgrave.

78
00:04:03,830 --> 00:04:05,650
Why don't you start a little demo?

79
00:04:05,651 --> 00:04:09,149
No, all I'm saying, people should be
transferred from department to

80
00:04:09,150 --> 00:04:11,320
so we could all have a fair crack of the
whip.

81
00:04:12,430 --> 00:04:13,990
You've got a point there, Louis.

82
00:04:15,090 --> 00:04:18,350
Silly to leave a good man like Warner
languishing in fine art.

83
00:04:18,670 --> 00:04:20,110
Ooh, that's a nice pen, sir.

84
00:04:20,490 --> 00:04:23,380
Yes. Three initials of my choice etched
on the barrel.

85
00:04:24,500 --> 00:04:27,030
I got it for that drive -by shooting in
Shoreditch.

86
00:04:27,860 --> 00:04:29,320
And 2 ,000 ear -miles.

87
00:04:31,500 --> 00:04:32,550
There you are, Louis.

88
00:04:33,380 --> 00:04:34,520
I've changed the rota.

89
00:04:35,080 --> 00:04:37,060
Warner is no longer in fine art.

90
00:04:37,580 --> 00:04:38,630
Thank you, sir.

91
00:04:54,670 --> 00:04:56,370
Not be too bad, Dave. I can't.

92
00:04:56,610 --> 00:04:59,230
I can't even begin to talk to you.

93
00:05:02,390 --> 00:05:03,970
Hate is a big word.

94
00:05:04,550 --> 00:05:05,600
But I hate you.

95
00:05:06,530 --> 00:05:08,030
I hate everything about you.

96
00:05:08,430 --> 00:05:10,420
I hate your clothes and I hate your
head.

97
00:05:10,421 --> 00:05:11,749
Oh, sir.

98
00:05:11,750 --> 00:05:13,350
Your parking meter's run out.

99
00:05:13,670 --> 00:05:15,720
Oh, thank you, thank you. I don't thank
me.

100
00:05:15,950 --> 00:05:17,030
I had it towed away.

101
00:05:17,730 --> 00:05:18,780
It's my private.

102
00:05:25,200 --> 00:05:26,700
There isn't even anybody here.

103
00:05:27,080 --> 00:05:30,630
It's probably like a charity shop only
open Wednesdays and Thursdays.

104
00:05:31,500 --> 00:05:33,480
The Fine Arts Squad.

105
00:05:33,481 --> 00:05:36,999
Look, how many cards do I have to sign?
All right, a million.

106
00:05:37,000 --> 00:05:38,380
A big zillion.

107
00:05:38,640 --> 00:05:41,520
On your knees, on broken glass, watching
golf.

108
00:05:41,980 --> 00:05:43,380
The Fine Arts.

109
00:05:44,060 --> 00:05:48,599
Have you any idea what a redundant,
pathetic waste of taxpayers' money the

110
00:05:48,600 --> 00:05:49,680
Arts Squad really is?

111
00:05:49,840 --> 00:05:52,250
Hello, sir. Diggs and Louie, reporting
for duty.

112
00:05:53,020 --> 00:05:54,260
You'd better come in.

113
00:06:00,970 --> 00:06:04,510
We're sorry to lose Warner. He's a damn
fine backgammon player.

114
00:06:06,550 --> 00:06:10,110
Do either of you two play backgammon?
No.

115
00:06:10,390 --> 00:06:13,330
We tend to spend a lot of time out
catching criminals.

116
00:06:13,910 --> 00:06:15,810
You know, in police cars.

117
00:06:16,690 --> 00:06:18,030
Fire and flashing lights.

118
00:06:18,390 --> 00:06:20,670
Men with tattoos in jail. That sort of
thing.

119
00:06:25,710 --> 00:06:29,260
That's a constable, isn't it, sir?
That's what we'll be if we stay here.

120
00:06:30,880 --> 00:06:31,930
Louis, sir.

121
00:06:31,960 --> 00:06:33,540
Know a bit about art, do you?

122
00:06:33,780 --> 00:06:35,520
Oh, I used to like art at school, sir.

123
00:06:35,640 --> 00:06:37,140
The teacher used to love smoke.

124
00:06:38,280 --> 00:06:39,480
She never wore a bra.

125
00:06:40,300 --> 00:06:41,840
Do you recognise this?

126
00:06:48,220 --> 00:06:49,420
It's Pollock's.

127
00:06:52,000 --> 00:06:55,840
By Jackson Pollock, the father of
contemporary action painting.

128
00:06:56,120 --> 00:06:57,170
Ah.

129
00:06:57,480 --> 00:06:58,530
And this?

130
00:06:59,480 --> 00:07:00,530
Um...

131
00:07:01,080 --> 00:07:02,130
Mozart?

132
00:07:03,300 --> 00:07:04,800
No, not Mozart.

133
00:07:05,340 --> 00:07:06,390
The other one.

134
00:07:07,600 --> 00:07:09,520
Kirk Guglick played him in that film.

135
00:07:10,800 --> 00:07:12,020
Was it Charlton Heston?

136
00:07:12,720 --> 00:07:15,370
You think that that was painted by
Charlton Heston?

137
00:07:15,520 --> 00:07:16,840
That's not what I'm saying.

138
00:07:17,100 --> 00:07:19,690
Did some cracking paintings, old
Charlton Heston.

139
00:07:19,700 --> 00:07:20,750
Picasso.

140
00:07:20,751 --> 00:07:22,659
That's what I was going to say.

141
00:07:22,660 --> 00:07:26,020
Picasso. Except, of course, that it
isn't. No.

142
00:07:26,820 --> 00:07:27,870
Exactly.

143
00:07:28,200 --> 00:07:29,250
Not what I meant.

144
00:07:30,180 --> 00:07:32,170
He's not giving me much of a chance,
sir.

145
00:07:32,400 --> 00:07:36,599
It's not my peculiarity at all. It's the
forgery of fake, which is why it's in

146
00:07:36,600 --> 00:07:37,740
my special collection.

147
00:07:38,700 --> 00:07:42,190
Telling fakes and the real thing is an
essential part of our work here.

148
00:07:43,300 --> 00:07:47,000
Now, you tell me, how do we know that
that is a fake?

149
00:07:49,940 --> 00:07:51,380
Well, it's obvious, sir.

150
00:07:52,500 --> 00:07:55,860
I mean, whoever painted that made a
right cock up of it.

151
00:07:56,780 --> 00:07:59,370
He's painting both eyes on the same side
of the face.

152
00:08:02,120 --> 00:08:05,440
Seems I'm going to have a terribly jolly
time with you two along.

153
00:08:08,060 --> 00:08:09,110
Terribly jolly.

154
00:08:28,650 --> 00:08:30,510
Do you have much on at the moment, sir?

155
00:08:31,170 --> 00:08:33,190
How are you on the subject of smugglers?

156
00:08:33,690 --> 00:08:36,309
Smugglers? Seven down, eight letters.

157
00:08:37,169 --> 00:08:39,939
Smugglers avoid aerobics when the Queen
goes missing.

158
00:08:40,770 --> 00:08:42,390
You've been bothering me all day.

159
00:08:42,490 --> 00:08:45,630
No, sir. Is there anything you'd like us
to work on?

160
00:08:46,010 --> 00:08:50,829
Oh, I can't think of anything that would
particularly suit your undoubted

161
00:08:50,830 --> 00:08:51,880
talents.

162
00:08:52,030 --> 00:08:55,290
You see, I do prefer to work alone.

163
00:08:55,730 --> 00:08:57,630
Ah. I see.

164
00:08:59,170 --> 00:09:00,220
Sorry?

165
00:09:00,630 --> 00:09:02,770
You're after that speedboat, aren't you?

166
00:09:03,410 --> 00:09:05,450
Speedboat? Oh, no, sir.

167
00:09:06,070 --> 00:09:11,269
If you've got any little cases you want
sorting out, we'll tag along, me and

168
00:09:11,270 --> 00:09:12,320
him. Won't we, Bob?

169
00:09:12,930 --> 00:09:14,190
Very well, if you insist.

170
00:09:14,730 --> 00:09:16,450
Welcome to the world of art.

171
00:09:20,430 --> 00:09:22,650
So, what is it to be, Brian?

172
00:09:23,320 --> 00:09:28,659
Are you going to turn this poor,
starving artist into a multimillionaire,

173
00:09:28,660 --> 00:09:30,340
you going to totally destroy him?

174
00:09:30,620 --> 00:09:31,940
How you flatter me, Sutton.

175
00:09:32,660 --> 00:09:36,330
There are two people I'd like you to
meet. I think you'll find them amusing.

176
00:09:37,980 --> 00:09:39,030
Briggs, Louis.

177
00:09:40,740 --> 00:09:42,820
D .C. Briggs, D .C. Louis.

178
00:09:43,380 --> 00:09:47,140
This is Brian Kent, Britain's leading
art critic.

179
00:09:47,340 --> 00:09:48,600
Very nice to meet you, sir.

180
00:09:49,100 --> 00:09:54,779
This is the man who tells us poor
Philistines whether a pile of bricks is

181
00:09:54,780 --> 00:09:57,800
of art or a pile of... bricks.

182
00:09:58,700 --> 00:10:01,260
So you know all about this art stuff, do
you?

183
00:10:01,800 --> 00:10:03,620
One takes a passing interest.

184
00:10:08,960 --> 00:10:13,060
So, um... What's that one supposed to
be?

185
00:10:15,460 --> 00:10:16,510
Fascinating.

186
00:10:17,740 --> 00:10:23,339
I would say that it is a statement of
man's burning desire to see his innate

187
00:10:23,340 --> 00:10:28,240
animal passion quenched with the calming
effluence of divinity.

188
00:10:30,460 --> 00:10:33,260
What? That one next to the fire
extinguisher.

189
00:10:33,980 --> 00:10:37,440
We are talking about the fire
extinguisher.

190
00:10:39,560 --> 00:10:41,910
Now, Sergeant, what can I do you the
pleasure?

191
00:10:42,120 --> 00:10:44,920
It's about the Hayden Smales work.

192
00:10:45,630 --> 00:10:48,070
It was stolen from the Anthony Neal
Gallery.

193
00:10:48,470 --> 00:10:52,830
Yes? The one that you gave such a
glowing review in your column last week.

194
00:10:53,130 --> 00:10:54,990
I had read that it had been stolen.

195
00:10:55,510 --> 00:10:57,350
So, have you any ideas?

196
00:10:57,910 --> 00:11:03,009
Yes. Yes, but you might want to steal
it. It's obviously someone who shares

197
00:11:03,010 --> 00:11:04,590
taste for the unusual.

198
00:11:05,110 --> 00:11:06,290
Oh, there's a talk.

199
00:11:06,570 --> 00:11:10,470
I was thinking of paying Mr. Neal a
visit.

200
00:11:11,310 --> 00:11:14,190
If you do, give him my regards in many
ways.

201
00:11:19,280 --> 00:11:20,520
What is it?

202
00:11:20,521 --> 00:11:24,079
One of your colleagues has just knocked
out perhaps the finest visual

203
00:11:24,080 --> 00:11:26,540
performance artist that we have ever
produced.

204
00:11:49,450 --> 00:11:53,110
The rest of the monthly tax disc is out
of date.

205
00:11:54,550 --> 00:11:58,909
Now, before we proceed, I want you both
to remember we're about to enter a

206
00:11:58,910 --> 00:11:59,960
creative workspace.

207
00:12:00,070 --> 00:12:01,120
What are you doing?

208
00:12:02,290 --> 00:12:07,230
People you're going to meet are artists,
and they can be rather delicate.

209
00:12:07,650 --> 00:12:12,290
And the man who we're here to see has
just had his most prized creation

210
00:12:12,370 --> 00:12:17,910
so he may be rather upset. So what I'm
saying is, please don't.

211
00:12:18,240 --> 00:12:19,290
Hit anybody.

212
00:12:21,600 --> 00:12:22,650
8 -2.

213
00:12:22,860 --> 00:12:24,160
8 -2.

214
00:12:24,360 --> 00:12:28,740
8 -2. 8 -2. 8 -2.

215
00:12:29,640 --> 00:12:34,960
Get that, will you, please, Huey?

216
00:12:35,720 --> 00:12:36,770
Yes, Master.

217
00:12:37,120 --> 00:12:39,640
You carry on with your bloody Meccano
kit.

218
00:12:40,860 --> 00:12:44,500
What? We are here to see Hayden Smale.

219
00:12:44,880 --> 00:12:45,930
No, that's him.

220
00:12:46,120 --> 00:12:47,420
That's him over there.

221
00:12:47,880 --> 00:12:49,380
But you must be gentle with him.

222
00:12:50,020 --> 00:12:51,520
Geniuses hate to be disturbed.

223
00:12:51,840 --> 00:12:53,260
You two wait here.

224
00:12:53,560 --> 00:12:54,780
I'll speak to him.

225
00:12:55,520 --> 00:12:58,720
Oh, and please, do be careful.

226
00:13:05,920 --> 00:13:06,970
Tell you what, mate.

227
00:13:07,460 --> 00:13:08,940
Your decorator's crap.

228
00:13:09,400 --> 00:13:10,460
He's spilling it all.

229
00:13:11,720 --> 00:13:13,240
He's not a decorator.

230
00:13:13,800 --> 00:13:16,330
It's like those pollocks we got back at
the office.

231
00:13:23,020 --> 00:13:27,900
were just saying, me and him, it's like
a painting we got back at the, uh,

232
00:13:27,960 --> 00:13:33,680
office.

233
00:13:44,380 --> 00:13:46,920
Hey, you got a license for this radio?

234
00:13:47,220 --> 00:13:48,270
Yeah.

235
00:14:14,380 --> 00:14:21,259
license for that weapon could you two
please get out of the way I'd like to

236
00:14:21,260 --> 00:14:22,310
see my model

237
00:14:46,000 --> 00:14:49,340
It smells somewhere a little less
problematic.

238
00:14:50,440 --> 00:14:51,490
Yes, sir.

239
00:15:23,630 --> 00:15:30,569
You see, it took so much out of me. So
very much. A theft is always a

240
00:15:30,570 --> 00:15:33,730
terrible trauma when it is one's own
personal creation.

241
00:15:34,890 --> 00:15:37,390
Mortals such as us can only guess.

242
00:15:37,730 --> 00:15:40,930
So, what exactly was it that was stolen?

243
00:15:41,270 --> 00:15:44,110
It was a mixed media piece.

244
00:15:44,350 --> 00:15:48,970
A visual account in three parts of the
futility of the war in the Balkans.

245
00:15:49,130 --> 00:15:51,470
Perhaps you'd like to make a note,
Louis?

246
00:15:51,710 --> 00:15:52,760
Sir.

247
00:15:56,460 --> 00:15:57,510
I drew that.

248
00:15:58,540 --> 00:15:59,590
It's him.

249
00:16:07,060 --> 00:16:09,400
So what exactly was this a painting of?

250
00:16:09,680 --> 00:16:16,200
Painting? Drawing, then. I don't paint.
Paint is for fascists. Hitler painted.

251
00:16:16,380 --> 00:16:17,960
Gently does it, Briggs.

252
00:16:18,240 --> 00:16:20,120
It wasn't a painting.

253
00:16:20,480 --> 00:16:22,720
It was a piece of installation art.

254
00:16:23,080 --> 00:16:24,130
Right, then.

255
00:16:24,750 --> 00:16:28,889
Perhaps you could give us just a little
clue as to what it looked like. It was a

256
00:16:28,890 --> 00:16:31,550
large glass fish tank.

257
00:16:32,270 --> 00:16:33,570
A fish tank?

258
00:16:33,810 --> 00:16:35,690
A large glass fish tank.

259
00:16:36,070 --> 00:16:41,050
And in it was a tin of South African
peaches and a pair of maracas.

260
00:16:41,550 --> 00:16:42,770
Sounds very decorative.

261
00:16:43,070 --> 00:16:47,490
Both suspended in two gallons of my own
personal urine.

262
00:16:52,690 --> 00:16:53,770
Urine. My!

263
00:17:00,760 --> 00:17:07,159
Is he taking the... It is a common, nice
and contemporary avant -garde to

264
00:17:07,160 --> 00:17:11,099
create masterpieces using their own
bodily fluids.

265
00:17:11,800 --> 00:17:17,139
This is all very well, sir. I mean, I
know things are slow in the fine arts

266
00:17:17,140 --> 00:17:20,270
squad, but aren't we a bit overman for
the theft of a fish tank?

267
00:17:20,500 --> 00:17:23,380
Especially one that he's been using as a
mobile carzy.

268
00:17:24,200 --> 00:17:27,920
Is it worth, anyway? Could it be worth
more than... £25 ,000?

269
00:17:28,700 --> 00:17:31,020
It was insured for 25 ,000 pounds.

270
00:17:31,620 --> 00:17:35,480
Mind you, if you flogged it on the
Japanese market, we'd get double that.

271
00:17:35,720 --> 00:17:36,770
Hang on.

272
00:17:37,540 --> 00:17:39,700
He has a Jimmy in his goldfish bowl.

273
00:17:40,680 --> 00:17:42,760
It's worth 25 ,000 pounds?

274
00:17:43,320 --> 00:17:45,760
Funny old business, the art world, isn't
it?

275
00:17:55,150 --> 00:18:00,469
The next time he sees it. I don't
imagine there's much hope of recovering

276
00:18:00,470 --> 00:18:02,850
piece. Don't you worry, Mr. Smales.

277
00:18:03,270 --> 00:18:07,370
You have two of my finest detectives on
your side.

278
00:18:08,110 --> 00:18:09,160
Good.

279
00:18:10,570 --> 00:18:15,530
Good. Well, I'd better be popping back
to the studio.

280
00:18:15,910 --> 00:18:20,369
Hang on. What? Before you go, you
wouldn't be thinking of popping to the

281
00:18:20,370 --> 00:18:21,420
lavatory.

282
00:18:29,909 --> 00:18:32,530
Something doesn't smell right about
this.

283
00:18:34,630 --> 00:18:39,349
Listen, I can do a bit of digging, see
what smells is up to. What do you want

284
00:18:39,350 --> 00:18:40,400
to do, sir?

285
00:18:40,610 --> 00:18:45,950
Now we know what it looks like, I think
we can do this our own way.

286
00:18:46,330 --> 00:18:47,380
As you wish.

287
00:18:47,530 --> 00:18:48,580
Yes, sir.

288
00:18:48,850 --> 00:18:53,849
We may be operating in your world, but
there are one or two shortcuts that only

289
00:18:53,850 --> 00:18:56,290
coppers who work the mean streets know
about.

290
00:18:56,870 --> 00:19:00,420
Yeah, like that one behind the library
when they finish the roadworks.

291
00:19:03,410 --> 00:19:04,460
Right then, sir.

292
00:19:05,090 --> 00:19:08,610
Just, er, you pop off and we'll see who
gets the speedboat.

293
00:19:11,530 --> 00:19:13,150
We might even give you a ride in it.

294
00:19:15,210 --> 00:19:17,030
So, what do we do?

295
00:19:17,410 --> 00:19:18,460
What do we do, Bob?

296
00:19:20,250 --> 00:19:21,300
We wait.

297
00:19:23,090 --> 00:19:24,140
What for?

298
00:19:24,750 --> 00:19:25,800
Don't know, really.

299
00:19:26,510 --> 00:19:29,390
£25 ,000 for two gallons of urine.

300
00:19:30,470 --> 00:19:36,349
That means in about 15 minutes, this
pint could be worth... Two gallons

301
00:19:36,350 --> 00:19:40,950
by 16, that's £1 ,562 .50p.

302
00:19:41,590 --> 00:19:43,070
For one pint.

303
00:19:43,550 --> 00:19:45,190
That's club prices, that is.

304
00:19:46,510 --> 00:19:48,170
£2 .90, please.

305
00:19:49,970 --> 00:19:51,020
Bargain.

306
00:19:57,550 --> 00:19:59,110
We have something to celebrate.

307
00:20:00,690 --> 00:20:02,690
How does 30 ,000 pounds sound to you?

308
00:20:03,190 --> 00:20:04,770
After half. Of course.

309
00:20:05,710 --> 00:20:08,840
Thanks to me, my dear. He thinks you are
the best thing in Warhol.

310
00:20:09,090 --> 00:20:11,430
Well, I am. He was a bloody fraud as
well.

311
00:20:11,750 --> 00:20:13,250
No, no, no, no. This is not fraud.

312
00:20:15,110 --> 00:20:17,220
It's simply a matter of supply and
demand.

313
00:20:17,221 --> 00:20:21,149
Well, the police won't see it that way.
I've already had a couple of detectives

314
00:20:21,150 --> 00:20:22,910
round to the studio. I met them.

315
00:20:23,870 --> 00:20:25,710
We need to worry about them.

316
00:20:38,080 --> 00:20:40,440
No collector will ever be able to...

317
00:21:10,760 --> 00:21:17,679
I told you all we had to do was

318
00:21:17,680 --> 00:21:18,719
wait.

319
00:21:18,720 --> 00:21:20,860
Oh, not whispering Walter, huh?

320
00:21:21,500 --> 00:21:22,550
Are you mad?

321
00:21:22,860 --> 00:21:24,300
We've got to start somewhere.

322
00:21:24,520 --> 00:21:26,380
We don't need the local graft on there.

323
00:21:26,540 --> 00:21:29,370
The villain's not likely to come from
round here, is he?

324
00:21:29,980 --> 00:21:32,440
Urine isn't exactly in demand on this
estate.

325
00:21:32,720 --> 00:21:34,100
The lifts are full of it.

326
00:21:36,360 --> 00:21:37,410
Here they come.

327
00:21:40,551 --> 00:21:44,759
They're looking for some information,
lads.

328
00:21:44,760 --> 00:21:47,170
We're looking for a goldfish tank full
of urine.

329
00:21:48,120 --> 00:21:49,500
There's a drink in it for you.

330
00:21:52,820 --> 00:21:54,020
Goldfish tank, you say?

331
00:21:54,250 --> 00:21:55,450
Full of artist's piddle.

332
00:21:55,850 --> 00:21:56,930
Wait, fish tank.

333
00:21:57,670 --> 00:21:58,720
Midland Bank.

334
00:21:59,670 --> 00:22:01,230
Artist's piddle on the fiddle?

335
00:22:01,970 --> 00:22:04,050
No, no, it's a real fish tank.

336
00:22:04,330 --> 00:22:07,190
With a tin of fruit and some Spanish
maracas in it.

337
00:22:07,470 --> 00:22:08,750
OK, OK, give us a chance.

338
00:22:09,570 --> 00:22:10,620
Spanish maracas.

339
00:22:11,930 --> 00:22:12,980
Safe crackers.

340
00:22:13,330 --> 00:22:15,550
Tin of fruit, tin of fruit. Don't tell
me.

341
00:22:16,010 --> 00:22:17,060
Tin of fruit.

342
00:22:17,630 --> 00:22:18,910
Fruit and veg.

343
00:22:19,910 --> 00:22:22,070
Ron and Reg, I'm with you.

344
00:22:22,481 --> 00:22:24,339
I think he's hopeless.

345
00:22:24,340 --> 00:22:25,390
I think you're right.

346
00:22:28,880 --> 00:22:30,140
Hey, I'm not leaving this.

347
00:22:30,860 --> 00:22:32,120
There's 800 quid with you.

348
00:22:40,540 --> 00:22:42,260
Here, Beckett's packed two more.

349
00:22:42,840 --> 00:22:45,020
Look at Warner. He's racing away.

350
00:22:45,240 --> 00:22:46,680
Where was he transferred to?

351
00:22:46,820 --> 00:22:48,540
The House of Lords car park.

352
00:22:51,100 --> 00:22:52,150
Anyway, stuff.

353
00:22:52,330 --> 00:22:53,380
Points make prizes.

354
00:22:53,930 --> 00:22:55,110
I'm off home. OK, Bob.

355
00:22:55,730 --> 00:22:56,780
Going for your pint?

356
00:22:57,290 --> 00:22:58,340
Pint?

357
00:22:58,390 --> 00:23:01,750
Er... No, no, I think I'll just stay
here for a bit, you know.

358
00:23:02,670 --> 00:23:04,450
Just tidy things up a bit.

359
00:23:06,990 --> 00:23:08,040
Tidy you up?

360
00:23:08,590 --> 00:23:09,640
Yeah, you know.

361
00:23:10,130 --> 00:23:11,270
Tie up a few loose ends.

362
00:23:12,830 --> 00:23:13,880
I'll wait.

363
00:23:13,990 --> 00:23:19,029
No, no, no, no, no, Bob. You trot off
home, you know. I'll just... I'll just

364
00:23:19,030 --> 00:23:20,080
potter about.

365
00:23:20,790 --> 00:23:21,840
Just do it.

366
00:23:22,320 --> 00:23:23,370
Do what?

367
00:23:27,020 --> 00:23:29,520
Process the out -of -date tax disc.

368
00:23:29,820 --> 00:23:31,720
The Ferrari outside the studio?

369
00:23:31,721 --> 00:23:33,619
I don't know what you're talking about.

370
00:23:33,620 --> 00:23:37,739
That little notebook's been burning and
all in your jacket all day. You couldn't

371
00:23:37,740 --> 00:23:41,879
wait to get back here and put another
notch on the board. I am just doing my

372
00:23:41,880 --> 00:23:42,930
job, Bob.

373
00:23:43,280 --> 00:23:45,340
Fighting the forces of evil.

374
00:23:48,660 --> 00:23:50,440
Another little brownie point.

375
00:23:50,990 --> 00:23:52,970
The brownie -nosey Griggsies.

376
00:23:54,030 --> 00:23:55,530
Yeah, that's what it is.

377
00:23:56,050 --> 00:23:57,930
They're a one -man police, don't you?

378
00:24:02,070 --> 00:24:03,870
Ah, ah, ah, ah, ah.

379
00:24:08,250 --> 00:24:09,300
Bloody hell.

380
00:24:09,610 --> 00:24:12,020
What's the matter? Repetitive strain
injury?

381
00:24:12,330 --> 00:24:14,270
That Ferrari belongs to Keaton Smiles.

382
00:24:15,110 --> 00:24:16,170
I'm not surprised.

383
00:24:16,510 --> 00:24:20,350
I'd buy a Ferrari if I could flog me
piddle for 25 grand a circuit.

384
00:24:21,980 --> 00:24:24,100
There's a CRO against his name.

385
00:24:27,300 --> 00:24:31,780
Smails. Hayden Matthews. Three
convictions. Credit card fraud.

386
00:24:32,060 --> 00:24:33,110
Property fraud.

387
00:24:33,360 --> 00:24:34,500
Stolen cheques.

388
00:24:36,780 --> 00:24:40,420
Deception and handling stolen property.

389
00:24:42,820 --> 00:24:44,640
Still here, gentlemen.

390
00:24:45,260 --> 00:24:47,500
Just tying up a few loose ends, sir.

391
00:24:48,400 --> 00:24:53,339
You know how it is, though, your work a
bit... Yes, interesting character, this

392
00:24:53,340 --> 00:24:54,390
smell, isn't he?

393
00:24:55,000 --> 00:24:59,099
I could never understand why Brian was
getting so hot under the collar about

394
00:24:59,100 --> 00:25:00,340
him. Who, sir?

395
00:25:00,920 --> 00:25:04,340
Now I do, indeed I do. It's clever, very
clever.

396
00:25:05,460 --> 00:25:09,060
Of course, I'd never have suspected if
it hadn't been for Huey.

397
00:25:10,560 --> 00:25:11,860
You can come in, Huey.

398
00:25:14,240 --> 00:25:16,410
You've met Briggs and Louie, haven't
you?

399
00:25:16,970 --> 00:25:20,210
Did you manage to get the melon off the
end of that bloke's neck?

400
00:25:21,070 --> 00:25:23,490
I left it there. It said something.

401
00:25:24,870 --> 00:25:29,989
It's no sort of record, but it was Huey
here who finally put all the pieces

402
00:25:29,990 --> 00:25:33,030
together and he's agreed to help us tie
the case up.

403
00:25:33,430 --> 00:25:38,569
I wouldn't normally grasp, but the money
that guy was making... Huey has agreed

404
00:25:38,570 --> 00:25:44,349
to help us smuggle you two into the
studio tonight. You'll be hidden, and if

405
00:25:44,350 --> 00:25:47,920
Huey is right... You'll hear the whole
thing unravel in the morning.

406
00:25:48,920 --> 00:25:53,300
Well, we were just about to go on, so...
Points make prizes, Louis.

407
00:25:53,540 --> 00:25:55,590
There's ten in it for each of you for
this.

408
00:25:56,140 --> 00:25:59,460
Huey, do you have the necessary
ingredients?

409
00:25:59,920 --> 00:26:00,970
Aye.

410
00:26:17,200 --> 00:26:19,400
My nose, it is tough.

411
00:26:23,980 --> 00:26:26,880
It's a little messy, my friend.

412
00:26:27,200 --> 00:26:29,700
Artists' studios are expected to be
messy.

413
00:26:30,040 --> 00:26:31,090
Au contraire.

414
00:26:31,460 --> 00:26:36,500
I find artists' studios almost
intoxicating. Yes.

415
00:26:36,820 --> 00:26:39,110
Speaking of which, let's have a glass of
wine.

416
00:26:39,860 --> 00:26:40,910
That'll be good.

417
00:26:41,020 --> 00:26:42,320
But the wine's over here.

418
00:26:44,940 --> 00:26:49,719
And you say that the police are
satisfied that there is no collusion. My

419
00:26:49,720 --> 00:26:54,939
man, the two policemen they have
assigned to this case have the IQ of one

420
00:26:54,940 --> 00:26:55,990
Damien's dead sheep.

421
00:27:02,040 --> 00:27:04,960
Well, shall we have the official
unveiling?

422
00:27:26,090 --> 00:27:29,400
Perhaps it's time to show us the full
extent of your appreciation.

423
00:27:30,090 --> 00:27:33,550
And, of course, a small price to pay for
jeeps.

424
00:27:35,930 --> 00:27:37,290
Not so fast.

425
00:27:37,990 --> 00:27:39,990
I cure the dead sheep, eh?

426
00:27:40,590 --> 00:27:42,130
Okay, Dave, let's get him.

427
00:28:02,570 --> 00:28:03,710
points apiece, I think.

428
00:28:04,590 --> 00:28:06,230
What happened to Ken?

429
00:28:08,710 --> 00:28:09,890
Very good.

430
00:28:10,570 --> 00:28:11,710
Well, yes.

431
00:28:12,930 --> 00:28:14,230
But did he talk?

432
00:28:14,280 --> 00:28:18,830
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